Monday is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, the holiest day of the Jewish year.
And this year, it has an entirely different meaning for me.
Tomorrow, I will get the results that will tell me where I stand with my cancer. I’ve jokingly been calling it “the verdict,” but as the day gets closer, it doesn’t feel quite so funny.
There’s an ancient Yom Kippur prayer that asks, “Who shall live and who shall die?”
I’ve heard those words before.
But I’ve never heard them while waiting for cancer staging.
That changes things.
Yom Kippur is a day of reflection, forgiveness and atonement.
Traditionally, it’s also a day of fasting.
It may be the one Jewish holiday where the food is not the point.
I should probably confess something here, which seems especially appropriate on the Day of Atonement:
I don’t fast.
Apparently, I prefer to atone on a full stomach. 😂
But fasting or not, I understand the invitation behind the day: to stop, reflect, take stock and think about what really matters.
And this year, I don’t have to look very far for something to reflect on.
I don’t get to decide what Monday’s scans will say.
That’s one of the hardest lessons cancer has taught me. There are things I can influence, things I can hope for, things I can pray for—and things I simply cannot control.
But I do get some say in what I do with Sunday.
I can spend it trying to predict a future I cannot possibly know, or I can spend it taking inventory of the life I already have.
Who do I need to forgive?
Who do I need to thank?
Is there anyone I need to tell that I love them?
Is there something I’ve been putting off until “someday”?
And perhaps the hardest question of all:
Is there anyone from whom I need to ask forgiveness?
That’s what Yom Kippur asks us to do—not simply to forgive other people, but to look honestly at ourselves.
Cancer has a funny way of doing that, too.
It strips away a lot of the nonsense.
Things that once seemed terribly important suddenly aren’t. And ordinary things that I once took for granted can feel extraordinary.
A phone call from an old friend.
Charles and I taking a walk.
My dogs doing something ridiculous.
Making someone laugh.
Waking up in the morning and realizing that, once again, I got another day.
Maybe that’s what Yom Kippur means to me this year.
Not preparing to die.
Remembering to live.
On Monday, I’ll get the medical verdict.
But a scan can only tell me something about my cancer.
It cannot tell me what my life is worth.
It cannot measure how much love is in it.
And it certainly cannot tell me what I’m going to do with whatever time I have.
So before I hear Monday’s verdict, I’m going to spend Sunday appreciating the evidence.
I’M STILL HERE!
Love & Life,
Chef AJ
AND SPEAKING OF FASTING…
Since we’re talking about Yom Kippur, I should mention that in December I’ll be presenting at the cooking school at TrueNorth Health Center, a place rather famous for medically supervised water-only fasting.
Apparently, at TrueNorth every day can be Yom Kippur. 🤣
I’ll be teaching at the cooking school.
Where there’s food.
Know thyself.
🐶🐾🦴 From the Puppy Files 🦴🐾🐶
This week’s PUPdates
Even though we work at home, we’ve been taking the pups at least once a week to Doggy Day Care to enrich their lives. They both seem quite happy there.
When they come home, they are literally dog-tired! 🤣
Creating Glass Fusion Art, My New Passion
In my recent solo broadcast, “One Year After Cancer Treatment: How I’m Feeling and What Lies Ahead” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWh18GxHvSc&t=1176s).
I showed all the art pieces I have been creating. This piece is my most recent, so I didn’t show it in the video. It’s definitely one of my top 3 favorites.
