It’s been two weeks since my last update and wow… a LOT has happened. If you believe the old saying, “When life gives you lemons 🍋, make lemonade,” I can honestly say we have a lifetime supply over here. Like Costco-sized. 🤣
I’m finally accepting something I’ve been resisting for a long time: I can’t control how many times I get knocked down or how many curveballs come flying at my head. The only things I can control are how I respond and whether I choose to get back up. And so far, I’m still standing — albeit a bit wobbly at times.
I may not be invincible, but I am absolutely determined to live my best life, no matter what. I get knocked down, but I refuse to stay down. I often feel scared, but I keep going because I refuse to give up. My body may repeatedly betray me, but my spirit refuses to resign.
Instead, I grieve. I cry. I adapt. I adjust.
And then — somehow — I still show up.
For myself. And for you.
My current mantra comes from some lyrics in the Martin L. Gore song “Compulsion” (one of my husband’s all-time favorite songs):
“Got to move on sometime,
And it’s about time.
By putting one foot in front of another
And repeating the process.”
And when I feel like I truly can’t persevere — when I feel like I might actually be done — I listen to my favorite poem, “The Race,” first introduced to me by the late, great Rev. Dr. O.C. Smith. It reminds me that winning isn’t about speed or strength… it’s about rising each time you fall. Listen to it here if you’ve never heard it (or need it again).
This past week was especially hard. I had committed to doing 28 LIVE shows to help promote the Vegan Health Bundle — and I really wasn’t well. I ran a fever over 101 for much of it. (You know what they say: “The show must go on.” But let’s be honest… I did not look or feel my best.)
At first, I thought it was food poisoning because I had vomiting and diarrhea (so glamorous). But a trip to Urgent Care revealed that I actually had a lung infection.
On the GI front, I don’t think the pancreatic enzymes are working — and oddly enough, that might actually be good news. It could mean my pancreas is no longer poorly functioning, or that I may not even have EPI anymore. I’m working with the top GI doctor at Cedars to solve this mystery (Scooby-Doo would be proud), because apparently my body loves a good cliffhanger.
And then — mit’n dribn (if you don’t know Yiddish, look it up… it’s a GREAT phrase!) — I developed a dental emergency.
Here’s the thing: the only thing that scares me almost as much as anesthesia… is the dentist. And of course, mine was out of town. I developed an excruciating toothache (naturally on a Friday night before a holiday weekend). I finally found an endodontist willing to see me on Presidents’ Day, only to be told the tooth must come out immediately! Not a simple extraction — a big magilla, complete with a bone graft and, eventually, an implant.
At this dental office they only would do the procedure under full sedation, so I literally torpedoed out of the dental chair.
Next stop: an oral surgeon who would use nitrous oxide instead. I made it there… and then my anxiety got the best of me and I bolted again. I was hoping my fear of general anesthesia would magically translate into courage in all other areas of my life, especially when it came to medicine and medical and dental procedures. Sadly, it did not.
Instead of beating myself up, I regrouped. I’m now scheduled for Tuesday with MY own dentist of 4 years. Maybe the third time really is the charm.🤞
If there are any dental professionals reading this, I would truly welcome any advice for severe dental anxiety — think anesthesia guardian-angel energy, à la Dr. Kessler. (Dr. Kessler — the anesthesia guardian-angel video I referenced and this really helped me 😬).
I’ve had a 60-year dental phobia from dental trauma. Until the age of 11 I had all my teeth drilled WITHOUT novocaine. I saw a pedodontist until I was 40 (yes, the kid dentist), and I needed nitrous oxide for cleanings until I was 60! CLEANINGS. As in: “You’re just polishing today.” So when I say this fear runs deep, let’s just say The Exorcist and The Ring feel like light romantic comedies by comparison. Stay tuned for next week’s newsletter to find out: did she or didn’t she? 🤣)
So how did I survive this physically challenging week?
In between shows, I rested. I took little catnaps — or should I say dog naps? 🐾
Sometimes I even let the pups rest on their own… but always together. If my Bubbie knew they were using her love seat, she’d roll over in her grave. 🤣
Now for something truly inspiring, fun and unexpected: This old lady was asked to audition for a small part in a real LA film! It was such an honor just to be considered. Here I am in costume, playing the part of Langine — clearly channeling my inner Carol Burnett. 😀
If you have any hopes or dreams that you’d like to pursue, JUST DO IT! Please know that it’s only too late if you don’t start NOW!
If your life feels hard or scary right now, I hope you’ll access that deep part inside you that whispers (or sometimes screams): Get up. One more time.
Rise each time you fall.
Love & Kale, Chef AJ.