Hi Friends,
There’s a reason us Aries folks are like rams. We just push through life exuberantly, head first, not always thinking about the consequences. When I woke up from the ablation on May 22, I was in a fair amount of pain. I had burning deep in my chest that I didn’t have with the last one. But in an effort to start my new life, I didn’t listen to my body and pushed through the pain to attend a Vegan Meetup to meet new people on Saturday and a play to meet my fellow improvisers, whom I had only known virtually, on Sunday.
Being what doctors have called me since early childhood, “a very medically sensitive patient,” there is really nothing I can take for pain management that I am not allergic to, intolerant of, or that doesn’t give me unpleasant side effects. So I took Tylenol, which really didn’t do very much. But after three days at almost the maximum dose, the usual happened: severe abdominal pain and diarrhea. So I basically spent the next five days, Monday through Friday, in bed. I know I’m not well when I can’t even get on my spin bike.
Well, technically, we don’t have a bed yet, so it was really more like I spent them on the floor… on an Aerobed.😂
Once again, I had the two best private-duty nurses constantly at my side. I didn’t want to take a photo of myself when I wasn’t feeling well, but here is one of them while they were on break, keeping a close eye on me nearby.
Since I was having increasing pain and burning in my chest, and now really bad pain when swallowing, I thankfully was able to get in to see Dr. Thomas. The swallowing pain was not the usual sore throat from the anesthesia tube—that had already gone away. This was different and intense, so an esophagram was ordered. But since the first available appointment isn’t until July, I’ll likely be better by then.
Dr. Thomas thinks the pain is from the ablation. This time he used a machine that was twice as powerful and, in his words, “ablated the heck out of the new metastases”, which are right next to my esophagus. He also performed an ultrasound of my lungs that showed my pleural effusion has gotten larger, but still not large enough to do a thoracentesis.
After that, he gently delivered the bad news—which is what the oncologist feared and not what we had hoped. The biopsy confirmed that the cancer has grown and spread. 🙁 While it is still confined to my chest, it has migrated out of my lung into the mediastinum. Cancer was found in the majority of the biopsied lymph nodes and in the new metastases. So I have moved from Stage 3A to Stage 3B NSCLC adenocarcinoma.
On top of that, Wednesday marked the one-year anniversary of our beloved Bailey’s passing.
I was so ill with pancreatitis when she crossed the Rainbow Bridge, that I don’t think I ever fully grieved this tremendous loss.
So… how was your week?😂
While the news devastated me, I remain optimistic that this ablation could be as successful—or even more successful—than the last one. But I am scared. I’m still in too much pain to fully process everything, but I’m starting to feel a bit depressed. Which is why I attend every single virtual improv comedy class, NO MATTER WHAT!
And on Saturday, I attended my first in-person improv class in La Quinta. Cancer has already taken so much from me, but I refuse to let it rob me of my joy! Which now includes the Scooby Dubai Haboob (without the chocolate) at the Kreamery, part of the desert’s BEST vegan restaurant, Chef Tanya’s Kitchen.
As always, I appreciate all of your thoughts, prayers, kind words, texts, and emails, even if I am not able to respond to them. I just have not felt well, and I’m really overwhelmed with the bad news.
Plus, my wonderful VA, Lynda, who helped with all of this recently retired. But I assure you, every message is read and greatly appreciated.
My message to you is now even clearer: Don’t wait for a terminal diagnosis to do what you love. It’s only too late if you don’t start NOW!
I hope that no matter what is going on in your life right now, you remember that everything is a little better with dogs, laughter, and vegan ice cream.💞
With Love & Guarded Optimism,
Chef AJ