November 24, 2025
Hi Friends,
I struggle with knowing exactly what to write in the weekly newsletters because some of you prefer a raw, honest update and some of you have said they’re too sad. So it’s a balancing act trying to figure out how much to reveal. My intention is not to thoroughly depress you, but to help anyone who may be struggling with any kind of pain or chronic illness know that they are not alone—that I understand.
Right now I’m not even thinking about how to treat the lung cancer; rather, I’m trying to recover from the myriad side effects from the aftermath of KEYTRUDA.
I realize that with all of these drug-induced conditions, there was one diagnosis that was never offered that I’ve given to myself. I believe I have been suffering from a case of severe “Optical Rectumitis,” or, as some would say, a shitty outlook on life! 🤣
So what I’m doing now is trying to shift my focus on how I look at things and change my response to them using more effective coping strategies, and for me, humor is one of them.
Since I can’t really control what is happening in my body right now, what I’m trying to control are my thoughts about it and my response to them.
I know it’s probably not feasible right now to quickly return to my state of health before the cancer treatment and have no pain whatsoever, so I celebrate the moments when I have LESS pain and—this may be TMI—a formed poop.💩
Last week’s MRI confirmed tenosynovitis in multiple tendons in my right leg. I just couldn’t tolerate the boot, which may make it heal more quickly, so I celebrate the times that the pain is less severe. I am back on steroids now, which can often help calm the rampant inflammation throughout my body that was caused by the immunotherapy drug.
I have gone off all my other 22 drugs and supplements that I have been ingesting for almost a year, including the Ivermectin, Mebendazole, and every supplement under the sun that has been recommended by every expert, to allow my gut to heal. Other than the Prednisone, the only medication I am taking is Levothyroxine for my long-standing hypothyroidism and some melatonin at night so that I can learn to tolerate my new bedtime companion, the CPAP machine.🤣
The biggest problem I’m facing now is with my gut. I’m sure you may have heard the saying “Health begins in the gut,” and that’s where my side effects first started, immediately after my first cancer treatment in March.
Because I’m highly suggestible, I never read the side-effect list that comes with any medication; instead, I like to see how it truly affects my body. I became nauseous and had diarrhea immediately after the first treatment, which apparently is a common and known side effect of Keytruda.
Things progressed at an alarming rate as I was later diagnosed with excruciatingly painful pancreatitis, along with gastritis, duodenitis, and EPI (Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency).
I am told I need to gain weight, but it’s very difficult when there are very few things I can eat with these conditions. My pancreas cannot tolerate ANY fat at all, and for now I’m also not able to eat any vegetables whatsoever, especially raw ones, and the only fruit that I am allowed is unripe bananas and peeled, boiled zucchini. I am able to tolerate gluten-free sourdough bread, white rice, cream of rice, and peeled gold potatoes and sweet potatoes.
I do my best to come up with interesting combinations of these limited ingredients and try to stay grateful that I’m able to eat at all. It’s ironic that I’m a vegan who, for now, can’t eat any fruits or vegetables. It’s difficult trying to get enough calories just from starch or to gain weight without any fat. Salting my food definitely helps me eat more, and that’s the only condiment I’m allowed. I’m able to sip vegetable broth, coconut water, and seltzer water without upsetting my tummy, and a heating pad and my new rescue pup, Shiloh, are my constant companions.
As unappetizing as this sounds, I’m actually GRATEFUL that I’m being given the opportunity to manage this in the comfort of my home without having to be admitted to the hospital and be fed with a tube, which is one of the options. And I do believe that my body IS capable of healing, if given more time. And I learned this from some of the musical greats throughout history.
There’s a line that’s usually attributed to the composer Claude Debussy: “Music is the space between the notes.” Jazz legend Miles Davis echoed the same idea when he said, “It’s not the notes you play, it’s the notes you don’t play.”
I love this, because it reminds us that the beauty of music isn’t just in the sound, it’s in the silence. Without pauses, rests, and empty spaces, music would just be noise. The gaps in between are what give shape, emotion, and meaning to everything we hear.
Lately, I’ve been noticing that true healing works much in the same way.
I’m discovering that my healing is the silence between the appointments and procedures; the sacred pause where I stop trying to fix everything and simply allowing my body to rest.
I used to think healing came from doing more—more tests, more treatments, more appointments. Now I see it also comes from the quiet stillness between them, in doing absolutely nothing and giving my body the time it needs to heal.
There’s also a Spanish proverb I love: “How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards.” In a world that worships productivity, I’m reminding myself that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is nothing at all and then rest some more.
Maybe your healing, too, isn’t only in the next thing you schedule, but in the courage to leave some space on your calendar and let your body and heart rest—in the quiet, sacred space between the notes. I hope you get some much-needed rest this week and have an amazing Thanksgiving holiday.
Shiloh always finds time in his busy schedule for resting!
Next week I have three great shows for you—on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday—so stay tuned!
With gratitude and a big virtual hug,
💜 Chef AJ