Hi Friends,
Well, it’s been a week!
Just when I thought I might be stepping off the cancer-treatment merry-go-round, life apparently renewed my unlimited ride pass.
I have now been referred to SEVEN more specialists, and frankly, my dance card is full.
Full of improv classes, fused-glass classes, dog walks and eating vegan ice cream.
I really don’t have time to establish care with a new oncologist, hematologist, ENT doctor, endocrinologist, sleep medicine doctor, GI doctor AND palliative care doctor. Apparently, specialists are my new social life. 😂
I also have multiple drug allergies and a lifelong struggle with pharmacophobia—the fear of taking medication—which makes all of this even more challenging. These are all the medications I’ve been prescribed during my cancer treatment.
I filled every one of these prescriptions.
I never took a single one.
Fortunately, the wait to see most specialists here is several months, so I don’t expect to be seeing all seven anytime soon.
Although I really WOULD like to know what’s going on with that lump in my neck. While the doctors still don’t know what caused the sepsis, thyroiditis and cellulitis in my neck, the biopsy brought very good news: no cancer was found.
On Wednesday, I’ll finally be having my PET scan. It was delayed several weeks because I’ve been on high doses of steroids to control the pain and swelling in my neck. I’ve been told it could take quite a while for the official radiology report, but I see Dr. Thomas on November 2, and hopefully he’ll be able to tell me whether the suspicious finding on my rib is a bone metastasis and whether this means I have advanced to Stage 4.
The doctors are suggesting that I start Tabrecta, a MET inhibitor. I told them that if I’m allowed to start slowly and work my way up to the full dose, I would consider beginning it when I return from Weimar.
The medication costs about $10,000 a month, but fortunately it looks like Medicare will cover it.
Right now, though, the most important thing I need to take care of is my mental health.
I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember, and a cancer diagnosis has taken that anxiety to heights I didn’t even know existed.
So on Thursday, I fly to Sacramento to participate in Dr. Nedley’s Depression and Anxiety Recovery Program at Weimar for 12 days: https://www.nedleyhealth.com/recovery
And here’s the really scary part:
NO PHONE.
NO COMPUTER.
FOR TWELVE DAYS.
😂
Apparently this is considered therapeutic.
I’m actually excited to go and see what tools I can learn to help me cope with everything that’s happening. Dr. Nedley was my doctor during the four years I lived in Northern California, and Weimar is in such a beautiful location.
We aren’t allowed to have visitors, but on the day I go home, many of my Northern California friends are meeting me for lunch at Nectar Café.
And before I’m dropped off, I get to eat a Nutburger at Sunflower Drive-In.
Frankly, the Nutburger alone may be worth surrendering my phone for 12 days. 😂
In preparation for my digital disappearance, I deleted all 10,000 emails in my inbox, unfollowed almost everyone on social media except for a few comedians, and unsubscribed from nearly every mailing list.
It felt AMAZING.
It was incredibly liberating, and I highly recommend trying a digital purge of your own.
Because I won’t have access to a phone or computer, I won’t be able to write my personal updates for the next two Sunday newsletters, but I promise you’ll get a full report in the November 1 newsletter.
Friends Are the Best Medicine
The Sunday after I returned home from the hospital, we had an Open House, catered by Chef Tanya’s Kitchen. It was wonderful to spend the day with friends.
Driven to Create
Ever since I learned that my diagnosis may be more serious than I had hoped, I’ve felt a little like Sarah Winchester.
She kept building and building.
And lately, I feel driven to create and create.
Not because I think creating can change what happens next, but because uncertainty has made me want to put even more good things into the world while I can.
More art.
More recipes.
More laughter.
More beauty.
More fun.
More deliciousness.
I’ve made five more pieces of art in my fused-glass classes. They haven’t been fired yet, but I’ll show them all to you once they come out of the kiln.
And I also created a copycat version of the famous berry crumble pie from Winston Pies.
It’s vegan. It’s gluten-free. The original costs $16.50 A SLICE and is literally the best pie in the world.
Or at least it was until I got involved. 😂
I truly believe my copycat version may be my pièce de résistance.
Or perhaps I should say…
My PIE de résistance. 😂
If you’ve ever wanted to support my work and my healing journey, this would be a wonderful time to join my community—even if it’s only for one month just to get this recipe.
Because I promise you:
THIS RECIPE IS NEVER GOING ON YOUTUBE.
I wouldn’t even give it to one of my dearest friends. 😂
I’ll be demonstrating it at our Community Live on November 4.
Believe me, you’re going to want this on your Thanksgiving table—unless you enjoy spending $65 on a pie.
I want to keep making things that delight people, feed people, inspire people and make life just a little more fun.
Sarah Winchester kept adding rooms to her house.
I want to keep adding joy, beauty, fun and deliciousness to the world. ❤️
What if Snoopy is Right?
If you’ve read this far, you’re probably wondering:
What on earth does any of this have to do with Snoopy?
Allow me to explain.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in prayer lately.
I’ve been sad and scared about the possibility that I may have to leave sooner than I had hoped. That is a very difficult reality for me to even contemplate.
So I asked God for a sign.
Then I went to the College of the Desert Street Fair, and almost immediately I saw—literally—a sign:
It reminded me of something one of my guests, Dr. Melissa Sundermann, once said:
“There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.”
And I started thinking: What if there are no bad days, just inappropriate thinking?
I don’t mean that bad or painful things don’t happen. Of course they do. But maybe I don’t have to let one frightening thing turn the entire day—or my entire life—into something bad.
I can’t control everything that’s happening inside my body right now, and I feel like my body has betrayed me. But I do have a choice in how I respond.
I can give up, or I can keep living the best life I can for as long as I can.
Maybe I’m the one who gets to decide whether today is a bad day.
And I started thinking.
Maybe “No Bad Days” doesn’t mean nothing bad ever happens.
Of course bad things happen. Painful things happen. Unfair things happen.
But maybe a hard day doesn’t have to become an entirely bad day.
I do have some choice in how I spend the life I have today.
I can give up.
Or I can keep creating.
Keep laughing.
Keep loving.
Keep walking my dogs.
Keep eating vegan ice cream.
And then I saw THIS shirt.
If you know anything about me, you know that I have loved Snoopy my entire life—possibly even more than Scooby-Doo.
When I was five years old, my first childhood dog was a beagle named Snoopy.
So when I saw a Snoopy shirt that said:
“WHAT IF IT ALL WORKS OUT?” it stopped me in my tracks.
Because I realized something.
For the last four years, I’ve spent so much time being afraid that things WON’T work out that I’m not sure I ever seriously considered the possibility that they might.
I’ve asked my doctors never to tell me how long they think I have.
And recently I interviewed a guest on my show who was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer at age 41—and she is still here 12 years later.
That didn’t give me a guarantee.
It gave me something else.
Possibility.
And right now, possibility is plenty.
I hope you’ll watch this inspiring episode: https://www.youtube.com/live/XsEpcsM6ang?si=MlCUdH3Ck9-pbZ56
Maybe “everything working out” doesn’t necessarily mean that everything happens exactly the way I want it to.
Maybe it means I don’t have to live the ending before it arrives.
Maybe it means that whatever happens next, today I can still make art.
I can still create recipes.
I can still laugh with my friends.
I can still cuddle my dogs.
I can still make somebody’s day a little brighter.
And I can still make one hell of a pie.
😂
I don’t know what my PET scan will show.
I don’t know exactly what treatment comes next.
But I do know this:
I’m still here.
I’m still creating.
I’m still laughing.
I’m still loving.
And I still have a life to live.
So maybe Snoopy is right.
What if it all works out? ❤️
In case you were worried, I’m not giving up hope— and I’m certainly not giving up vegan ice cream.
Love & Possibility,
Chef AJ
🐾🦴💞From The Puppy Files💞🦴🐾
This Week’s PUPdates
Shiloh has really blossomed into an almost normal dog. 😂
After almost a year and a half of training, love and patience, Trixie has brought out the very best in him.
They absolutely LOVE going to daycare, and it has enriched their lives so much.
Of course, Charles and I are ridiculous and miss them practically the minute they leave.
When they’re home, they are inseparable.
